When I got to the point that I could not go up and down steps without a railing, I did not like being so limited. I went to a therapist for help in accepting this situation. He said I was very brave.
Huh? Me? Well, I guess I am wired to be optimistic and it never occurred to me to be afraid of the future. At that point, the question, “Will I get worse?” did not enter my mind. That came later. . . Not that there was much I could do about it anyway – this was also my first step towards realizing how little control we actually have life, beyond our attitudes. My intention was to deal with it as quickly as possible so as not to waste any time, because I wanted to be the best mom I could be to my toddler.
Fast forward almost 30 years to the present, and I have come to find that in some ways, letting go takes more courage than hanging on. Let’s face it – change is scary. Yet it actually takes less energy to let go than it does to hold on to the past.
It takes a lot of energy to try to be perfect – just imagine if you spent 20 minutes a day on hair and makeup to look like the magazine cover. Most of us decide to spend a lot less time trying to look perfect and go for a 5 minute routine that gives nature a little lift. This also applies to behavior that served you well in the past but now holds you back. My fighting, “I think I can” mentality could not change the fact that I actually could not go up those steps. Dietary changes and exercise helped, but were not going to make it go away. So I had to change my attitude and behavior if I wanted to be happy.
Who knew that my inflexible body would force me to increase the flexibility of my mind, and push me in a new direction?