Embracing Uncertainty

I used to push myself to do free weights 6 days a week.  I worked as many hours as I could until the back pain got too intense, and then I would ask for a reduction in my hours.  My motivation?  Fear of my uncertain future.  The thoughts of weaker muscles and of not having enough money to go out to eat when I wanted, or to purchase yarn and fabric terrified me.  I wanted to have as much money as possible in the bank and in Social Security before my physical condition deteriorated to the point that I could not work.  I prayed that I would not get worse so that I could work until I was ready to retire.

When I was told by a doctor to stop exercising, it took me months to accept it and stop.   I was so frightened by the prospect of losing what little strength I had, that it was not until I pulled a muscle in my back that I stopped.  Then I was still motivated by fear – the fear that I would do it again and have to take time without pay until I healed.

You would think I would have learned my lesson, but I did not.  When the doctor told me I needed a wheelchair, it took me 3 months and another episode of spastic back muscles to convince me that she was right.

So here I am 11 years later, on disability, having retired at age 53.  I have everything I need, with more than enough money for dining out and purchasing craft supplies.  Looking back I see that I finally learned the most important lesson in my life.  To accept that there is uncertainty in life, and have faith that all will be well.  I have finally learned that if I focus on the here and now, and not on what may or may not happen in the future, I can relax, knowing that nothing is lacking in the present moment.

Recently, after a conversation with one of my oldest and dearest friends, I realized that my prayer had changed.  I no longer ask that my physical condition improve or at the very least, not deteriorate. I ask that whatever happens, I accept it and trust that I will be able to handle it, and most important, that I accept what comes my way without resisting in fear.

About Elizabeth

Elizabeth is a powerful light worker, intuitive medium, and coach. She lives with the daily challenge of muscular dystrophy and shares the wisdom she receives from the Divine Source of all that is, bringing joy to the lives of others.
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